Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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