As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
