You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
