he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
