i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
