I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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