Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
