Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
