So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
