y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
