sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
