I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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