Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
