You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
