I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
