all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize