You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
