I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize