So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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