I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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