i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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