i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am available for nakedness
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
