those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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