I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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