it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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