your parents love me but you hate me
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
