NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
