did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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