went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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