I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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