New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
