Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
