just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
