I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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