its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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