just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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