Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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