I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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