oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize