Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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