It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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