i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He? As in you personified your dick?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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