My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
