Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
