what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
