Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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