yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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