My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I believe in your delicious
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
