i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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