is your mom at the bar?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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