just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
