i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
