Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
