dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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