you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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