sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
