man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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