I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
