part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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