we have officially lost it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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