I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want to be your penis for a week.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
