smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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