When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
