Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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