maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
