Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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