is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
