Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
