What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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