can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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