We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
