its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
