we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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