Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize