After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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