oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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