Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
