we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
