and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i don't like sucking hair
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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