so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
