So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
